mute

A man went for a walk in his local park and was gone for three days. His wife was beside herself with worryings and the like. He finally returned (on a Tuesday of all days) with no hair and three extra teeth. When his wife asked him where the hell he’d been he told her straight:

‘None of your business woman. Fix me some tea.’

And that was all she wrote. In other words, we don’t need to dwell on this story any further. Needless to say he was rendered mute by a broken window, covered in sellotape no less, and his wife laughed in silent tones from behind her terracotta scarf. The rest, my good man, is history.